‘Our son is dreadful at brushing his teeth. The tooth fairy has had enough.’

This one goes out to parents everywhere whose children don’t brush their teeth properly.

Just in case you can’t read it, here’s the message in full.

Dear Mr Warren

This letter is to inform you that I have now taken receipt of your tooth and it is being duly processed in our system.

You will have noticed there has been a delay in your payment for the tooth. Mr Warren, I have to inform you that this is due to the condition in which we found said tooth. We expect a certain amount of wear and tear on the teeth we appraise. However, in this case your tooth had to be referred up to the committee for further analysis.

We believe this is due to the lack of care and attention by yourself. We have detected more than trace amounts of Fanta™ and residual amounts of both cereal and chocolate which have not been removed by appropriate brushing technique. We recommend you review your practice here as a matter of urgency.

Mr Warren we will accept your tooth on this occasion but we need your assurances that the condition of your next tooth will be significantly better or we will withhold payment.

Sincerely yours

Barry T Tooth Fairy

A thing of beauty from @henrywarren on Twitter. Never has lying to your kids been better intentioned.

Needless to say, they used it anyway. May their toothache be long and painful.