Pride and Prejudice to get long awaited 398th TV adaptation

Producers promise that this new version of the beloved Jane Austen novel will be entirely unique as everyone will be speaking 35% more quickly.

“There may have been countless TV and film adaptations of Pride and Prejudice in the past, but none of them will have actors speaking as quickly as ours,” said a producer for the show, reported to air on ITV in 2020.

It’s hoped the rapid pace of the dialogue will allow time for extra plots not featured in the book – such as Charles Bingley trying to arrange a broadband connection to Netherfield Park and a controversial scene when Mrs Bennet gasps at an improper goose.

“If Hollywood can make 6 Spiderman films in the last 15 years, then it’s perfectly acceptable to make Pride and Prejudice again, and again, and again and again,” said an ITV spokesman.

“It’s not like there are any other great works of literature that could be adapted for TV.”