Looking for hope in a world torn by division? Read this

We live in horrible times with humanity cleaving itself into smaller and smaller groups set in opposition to one another, dividing ourselves along superficial lines of race, religion, skin colour, gender, sexuality.

Universal goals have been diminished in favour of a corrosive trend towards tribal identity politics.

We amplify our differences rather than what we share in common.

None of this bodes well if our only hope of survival is to pull together as one species.

But I wanna believe there’s hope. Because inside every curse is a blessing. The jewels of this world are hidden in dark places. And hope came to me in the most unexpected of circumstances.

I was in London and I was getting mugged.

And my attackers had got me to the ground and they were kicking the crap out of me. I was getting booted in the head. Punched in the face. My ribs were cracked, my knees got bust and I actually had blood coming out of my eyes.

But just before I passed out I looked up and I saw the most incredible, beautiful thing:

I saw that the people beating me up were black AND white.

And I thought, “My God – we’re going to be okay…”

Because that’s the dream isn’t it?

Blacks and whites being cunts together.

And then all of a sudden, out of the shadows, a little Muslim guy jumped out and he joined them, kicking me in the face.

And then from the other side a Jew popped out. And the Jew and the Muslim held hands and skipped towards me to kick me in the bollocks.

Then a disabled guy came along, (I don’t know what the fuck was wrong with him), and he started jabbing me in the eye with his crutches.

Then a trans woman came along and whipped out her dick and started smashing me in the face with it.

And I wanted to weep!

Because it was beautiful!

Because here were all these diverse people from different backgrounds all coming together in a shared common endeavour.

All unified in their merciless onslaught against my face and testicles.

All showing that regardless of who you are or where you come from – whatever your skin colour, gender, sexuality or religion – everyone is capable of being a complete and utter bastard.

If you are a muslim – you can be a cunt

If you are black – you can be a cunt

If you are transgender – you can be a cunt

If you are a Jew – you can be a cunt

If you are disabled – you can be a cunt

If you are left wing – you can be a cunt

If you are right wing – you can be a cunt

If you are gay – you can be a cunt

If you are a feminist – you can be a cunt

If you are a mens rights activist – you can be a cunt

If you are someone who doesn’t like the word cunt – you can be a cunt

Whether you are christian, hindu, sikh, pagan, hare krishna, buddhist, atheist, pacifist, african, arab, european, white, chinese, japanese, young, old, rich, poor, mentally ill, genderqueer, asexual, straight, non-binary, cisgender, an immigrant, an emigrant, indigenous, brown, yellow, a mum, a dad, childless, fat, thin, capitalist, socialist, an oppressed person, a priviliged person or any other label you choose – it matters not – everyone is capable of being a cunt.

And this is my message of hope

Everyone can be a cunt

It’s not quite as moving as the Shawshank Redemption, but in these hopeless times let’s take what we can get.

LEE KERN
Lee is a writer and comedian.

You can follow him on Facebook

Read last week’s column about a heart-warming letter to friend who has experienced a horrific online incident.

#kernscorner