Comments sections on porn sites: the last refuge of good manners?

We live in such an angry, horrible world – but it’s the internet where our ugliest face emerges.

It’s such a relentlessly horrible place. Everywhere you go – from Twitter to Facebook – the comments are spiteful.

Everywhere.

Except strangely – the only place where people aren’t mean online – is in the comment sections of porn websites?

If anything – the comments you find there are nothing but complimentary?

Whether it’s complimenting someone on having a lovely pair of bosoms or a handsome penis or an ability to catch jizz on one’s face – the comment sections of porn sites seem to be only places online where people have got anything nice to say about someone else!

Dare I say it – the comment sections of porn sites may be the last sanctuary of the online gentleman.

That’s why I spend so much time looking at porn.

Not just for the tits and the shagging and the shemales and the double penetration and the POV and the handjobs and the BBWS and the milfs and the BDSM and the CFNM and the titwanks and the lesbians and the amateurs and the latinas and the redheads and the creampies and the solo and the interracial and the blowjobs and the cumshots and the femdom and the squirting and the vintage and the stockings and the hairy and the gangbangs and the oiled and the PAWG and the ebony and the facesitting and the JOI and the pregnant and the roleplay and the webcams and the groupsex and the gloryholes and the footjobs and the giant asses – but for a glimpse of what it would be like if we could all get on!

I browse endless porn videos – sometimes long into the night – just for a fleeting glimpse of what life would be like if we could show a bit of courtesy, civility and respect to one another.

I guess I’m just old-fashioned.

And then of course there’s anal.

Good old anal!

Good old reliable anal!

In terms of the horrific direction that modern pornography has gone there’s almost something faintly quaint and nostalgic about anal these days, isn’t there?

It brings to mind a more familiar feel of yesteryear?

Brings to mind war time rationing?

Trams?

Makes you think of your nan, doesn’t it?

Makes you think of your nan and grandad toughing out Hitler’s onslaught with some good old fashioned Vera Lynn Blitz spirit pornography.

It was a happier time of anal before the motor-car had really taken over.

A golden age of anal where you could leave your front doors unlocked and everyone knew everyone else.

The good old days where you could have a bit of anal and no-one would nick your stuff.

You could leave your front door open when you used to have anal.

Kids used to play in the streets.

A time when you could have anal and you’d still have change for the bus.

Now? Well it’s all changed, hasn’t it?

You can’t have anal these days without fear of being blown up by a terrorist.

Years from now we’ll tell our kids about anal and they won’t believe us will they?

They’ll laugh at us when we tell them about what an innocent time we lived in?

Anyway, my point is, we should be pointing towards the civility and kindness displayed in the comment sections of porn sites if we’re to teach people how to be courteous and respectful to one another online.

We must watch more pornography if we are to reclaim our good manners.

I mean, I don’t recall anywhere else on the internet where people bother to enquire after the name of someone who appears in a video?

You watch a clip of someone falling over on Youtube? Nothing.

You watch a video of an actress fitting two penises into her bottom and instantly it’s:

“Name?”

“What’s her name?”

“Name, please?”

It seems as if the comment sections of porn sites are the only place online where people are treated as human beings and not as a commodity!

As I say – the comment sections of porn sites may be last sanctuary of the online gentlemen.

So next time you’re about to wade into an argument on Facebook or have a dispute on Twitter – ask yourself – what would a guy sitting in a pile of pizza crusts knackered from wanking all day say?

And if you can’t say anything nice like that guy – then maybe better to not say anything at all?

Lee Kern is a comedian and writer.
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