With Prince Philip in hospital let’s wish him the best with 66 of his massive gaffes

With the news Prince Philip is in hospital, let’s wish him the all the best with a celebration of his most terrible comments.

Well well soon sir!

But you’re here to read his gaffes. His 66 of his best – probably the number 1 reason the Queen keeps him around – he made ghastly public events bearable by whispering rude comments in her ear.

1. “I don’t think a prostitute is more moral than a wife, but they are doing the same thing.”

2. “When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.”

3. “I never see any home cooking – all I get is fancy stuff.” 1987

4. “I’d like to go to Russia very much – although the bastards murdered half my family.” 1967.

5. “People think there’s a rigid class system here, but dukes have even been known to marry chorus girls. Some have even married Americans.” 2000.

6. “We go into the red next year… I shall have to give up polo.” 1969.

7. “Where’s the Southern Comfort?” When presented with a hamper of goods by US ambassador, 1999.

8. “You ARE a woman, aren’t you?” Kenya, 1984.

9. “You have mosquitoes. I have the Press.” To matron of Caribbean hospital, 1966.

10. A VIP at a local airport asked HRH: “What was your flight, like, Your Royal Highness? Philip: “Have you ever flown in a plane?” VIP: “Oh yes, sir, many times.” “Well,” said Philip, “it was just like that.”

11. After a breakfast of bacon, eggs, smoked salmon, kedgeree, croissants and pain au chocolat – from Gallic chef Regis Crépy, 2002: “The French don’t know how to cook breakfast.”

12. After accepting a conservation award in Thailand in 1991: “Your country is one of the most notorious centres of trading in endangered species.”

13. After being told that Madonna was singing the Die Another Day theme in 2002: “Are we going to need ear plugs?”

14. After Dunblane massacre, 1996: “If a cricketer suddenly decided to go into a school and batter a lot of people to death with a cricket bat, are you going to ban cricket bats?”

15. Asking Cate Blanchett to fix his DVD player because she worked “in the film industry”, 2008: “There’s a cord sticking out of the back. Might you tell me where it goes?”

16. At a Bangladeshi youth club in 2002:”So who’s on drugs here?… HE looks as if he’s on drugs.”

17. At a project to protect turtle doves in Anguilla in 1965, he said: “Cats kill far more birds than men. Why don’t you have a slogan: ‘Kill a cat and save a bird?'”

18. At a Scottish fish farm: “Oh! You’re the people ruining the rivers.”

19. At a WF meeting in 1986: “If it has four legs and it’s not a chair, if it’s got two wings and it flies but is not an aeroplane and if it swims and it’s not a submarine, the Cantonese will eat it.”

20. At an engineering school closed so he could officially open it, 2005: “It doesn’t look like much work goes on at this university.”

21. At City Hall in 2002: “If we could just stop the tourism, we could stop the congestion.”

22. At Duke of Edinburgh Awards scheme, 2006. “Young people are the same as they always were. Just as ignorant.”

23. At Hertfordshire University, 2003: “During the Blitz, a lot of shops had their windows blown in and put up notices saying, ‘More open than usual’. I now declare this place more open than usual.”

24. At party in 2004: “Bugger the table plan, give me my dinner!”

25. His description of Beijing, during a visit there in 1986: “Ghastly.”

26. His verdict on Stoke-on-Trent, during a visit in 1997: “Ghastly.”

27. In Canada in 1976: “We don’t come here for our health.”

28. On Ethiopian art, 1965: “It looks like the kind of thing my daughter would bring back from school art lessons.”

29. On how difficult it is in Britain to get rich: “What about Tom Jones? He’s made a million and he’s a bloody awful singer.”

30. On seeing a piezo-meter water gauge in Australia: “A pissometer?”

31. On stress counselling for servicemen in 1995: “We didn’t have counsellors rushing around every time somebody let off a gun. You just got on with it!”

32. On the 1981. recession: “A few years ago, everybody was saying we must have more leisure, everyone’s working too much. Now everybody’s got more leisure time they’re complaining they’re unemployed. People don’t seem to make up their minds what they want.”

33. On the Duke of York’s house, 1986: “It looks like a tart’s bedroom.”

34. On the new £18million British Embassy in Berlin in 2000: “It’s a vast waste of space.”

35. On Tom Jones, 1969: “It’s difficult to see how it’s possible to become immensely valuable by singing what are the most hideous songs.”

36. Peering at a fuse box in a Scottish factory, he said: “It looks as though it was put in by an Indian.” He later backtracked: “I meant to say cowboys.”

37. To a British trekker in Papua New Guinea, 1998: “You managed not to get eaten then?”

38. To a car park attendant who didn’t recognise him in 1997, he snapped: “You bloody silly fool!”

39. To a civil servant, 1970: “You’re just a silly little Whitehall twit: you don’t trust me and I don’t trust you.”

40. To a fashion writer in 1993: “You’re not wearing mink knickers,are you?”

41. To a tourist in Budapest in 1993: “You can’t have been here long, you haven’t got a pot belly.”

42. To a woman solicitor, 1987: “I thought it was against the law for a woman to solicit.”

43. To Aboriginal leader William Brin, Queensland, 2002: “Do you still throw spears at each other?”

44. To a children’s band in Australia in 2002: “You were playing your instruments? Or do you have tape recorders under your seats?”

45. To Andrew Adams, 13, in 1998: “You could do with losing a little bit of weight.”

46. To Atul Patel at reception for influential Indians, 2009: “There’s a lot of your family in tonight.”

47. To black politician Lord Taylor of Warwick, 1999: “And what exotic part of the world do you come from?”

48. To Cayman Islanders: “Aren’t most of you descended from pirates?”

49. To deaf children by steel band, 2000: “Deaf? If you’re near there, no wonder you are deaf.”

50. To editor of downmarket tabloid: “Where are you from?” “The S*n, sir.” Philip: “Oh, no . . . one can’t tell from the outside.”

51. To Elton John on his gold Aston Martin in 2001: “Oh, it’s you that owns that ghastly car, is it?”

52. To expats in Abu Dhabi last year: “Are you running away from something?”

53. To female sea cadet last year: “Do you work in a strip club?”

54. To Lockerbie residents after plane bombing, 1993: “People say after a fire it’s water damage that’s the worst. We’re still drying out Windsor Castle.”

55. To multi-ethnic Britain’s Got Talent 2009. winners Diversity: “Are you all one family?”

56. To parents at a previously struggling Sheffield school, 2003: “Were you here in the bad old days? … That’s why you can’t read and write then!”

57. To President of Nigeria, who was in national dress, 2003: “You look like you’re ready for bed!”

58. To schoolboy who invited the Queen to Romford, Essex, 2003: “Ah, you’re the one who wrote the letter. So you can write then?”

59. To Scottish driving instructor, 1995: “How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to pass the test?”

60. To Simon Kelner, republican editor of The Independent, at Windsor Castle reception: “What are you doing here?” “I was invited, sir.” Philip: “Well, you didn’t have to come.”

61. To Susan Edwards and her guide dog in 2002: “They have eating dogs for the anorexic now.”

62. To the Aircraft Research Association in 2002: “If you travel as much as we do, you appreciate the improvements in aircraft design of less noise and more comfort – provided you don’t travel in something called economy class, which sounds ghastly.”

63. To the Scottish WI in 1961: “British women can’t cook.”

64. To then Paraguay dictator General Stroessner: “It’s a pleasure to be in a country that isn’t ruled by its people.”

65. Turning down food, 2000: “No, I’d probably end up spitting it out over everybody.”

66. Using Hitler’s title to address German chancellor Helmut Kohl in 1997, he called him: “Reichskanzler.”