Just 59 of the very best Victoria Wood quotes
Loving this Victoria Wood ‘quote of the day’ Twitter account that runs some of the sadly-missed comedian’s best lines, with screen grabs from her many performances.
Here’s 59 of her best.
1.
"Honestly, who has sex on Christmas morning?"
"The Dalai Lama!"
"Well he must peel his sprouts the night before." pic.twitter.com/3tdyuIhaRt— Victoria Wood QOTD (@VictoriaQOTD) December 19, 2016
2.
"Do you do sugar free muesli?"
"No. This is a canteen, not a ground sheet at Glastonbury." pic.twitter.com/WuGtt5p88M— Victoria Wood QOTD (@VictoriaQOTD) March 27, 2017
3.
I've got no sex life, I've got no frying pan, and I'm halfway through a tube of toothpaste I absolutely can't stand. pic.twitter.com/ELGiWEDrfe
— Victoria Wood QOTD (@VictoriaQOTD) January 7, 2017
4.
Daddy and I aren't into the drug scene, though we were the first couple in our crescent to use Hermesetas. pic.twitter.com/YpnJlsilMH
— Victoria Wood QOTD (@VictoriaQOTD) February 26, 2017
5.
"He once made a pass at me, Jean."
"Did he?"
"He didn't get anywhere, I was in a wrap-round cardigan." pic.twitter.com/6G5hNMyWXr— Victoria Wood QOTD (@VictoriaQOTD) March 10, 2017
6.
"Now. Call me a dashingly romantic sentimental old softheart, Vicky-"
"I haven't got time." pic.twitter.com/PEETbz7Z0N— Victoria Wood QOTD (@VictoriaQOTD) February 1, 2017
7.
For a person with a full sex life, she's done a heck of a lot of tapestries. pic.twitter.com/SuwXMUkKu2
— Victoria Wood QOTD (@VictoriaQOTD) March 15, 2017
8.
The Italians have got opera, the Spanish have got flamenco dancing. What have we got? Weight Watchers. pic.twitter.com/6bHjJH5748
— Victoria Wood QOTD (@VictoriaQOTD) February 21, 2017
9.
I've had my share of gynaecological gyp. I still can't polka without wincing, but we're spunky in Cheadle, we totter on. pic.twitter.com/cB76GiXHMC
— Victoria Wood QOTD (@VictoriaQOTD) January 26, 2017
10.
I never speak behind people's backs. If I've anything nasty to say, I pop it on a postcard. pic.twitter.com/C11JMuV1AE
— Victoria Wood QOTD (@VictoriaQOTD) December 1, 2016
11.
"Monday, I thought I was having an early menopause."
"And were you?"
"No, the dog had been beggaring about with the thermostat." pic.twitter.com/PqMv1coYx6— Victoria Wood QOTD (@VictoriaQOTD) January 8, 2017
12.
She said "Kitty, do you like fun?". I said no I don't. I had enough of that in 1957 when I got trapped in a lift with a hula hoop salesman. pic.twitter.com/RbMf0Qk2mc
— Victoria Wood QOTD (@VictoriaQOTD) November 4, 2016
13.
We don't do tuna and sweetcorn. We only do tuna 'n' sweetcorn. pic.twitter.com/i54TGpQjf3
— Victoria Wood QOTD (@VictoriaQOTD) March 4, 2017
14.
I've caught this cold off Susan in smoked meats. Well, they're not smoked when they come in, but she's on sixty a day. pic.twitter.com/wunTPZ1yaF
— Victoria Wood QOTD (@VictoriaQOTD) March 16, 2017
15.
I love gay people. I couldn't be a gay man though. I couldn't face all that ironing. pic.twitter.com/CFkCt4Q6g3
— Victoria Wood QOTD (@VictoriaQOTD) March 6, 2017
16.
"What's the soup, dear?"
"Country vegetable."
"What country, Taiwan?" pic.twitter.com/weDqfiCUEk— Victoria Wood QOTD (@VictoriaQOTD) March 1, 2017
17.
Everybody in my class was enormous. They had to stop us doing cross country running because we dented a viaduct. pic.twitter.com/lHRVZSp6Wf
— Victoria Wood QOTD (@VictoriaQOTD) March 13, 2017
18.
I'm going North. It's a compulsion with me. Even in Tesco's I head straight for the freezer cabinets on the back wall. pic.twitter.com/WDjpFXbXMI
— Victoria Wood QOTD (@VictoriaQOTD) January 27, 2017
19.
"Did you go and see Macbeth?"
"Mmm. Wasn't a patch on Brigadoon." pic.twitter.com/1yVOdqto95— Victoria Wood QOTD (@VictoriaQOTD) February 2, 2017
20.
Don't forget I was in Beirut with Mandy Rice-Davies; I understand entertainment on a shoestring. pic.twitter.com/IWhwJCTAHn
— Victoria Wood QOTD (@VictoriaQOTD) March 22, 2017
