“Exhausted” Trump to only sign 4 or 5 tyrannical executive orders today

Presidential duties have reportedly taken a toll on Donald Trump, with White House sources hinting that today he will only sign at most five executive orders that strip people of basic human rights.


“It’s Friday, and like many office workers across the country Mr. Trump is taking it easy today,” said one Washington insider.

“He’s thinking about his weekend plans and any little jobs around the house he hasn’t had time to do yet, like fixing the squeaky kitchen cabinet door and possibly going to a garden centre on Sunday.”

Trump has been busy in the 14 days since he has held office, and some close to the President are happy to see him slowing down the pace.

“He’s been incredibly busy in the last two weeks,” said White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer.

“It’ll be like our version of ‘dress down Friday’ but we plan to call it ‘slightly reduced chance of World War 3 Friday’. People shouldn’t worry – he’ll be back on the case fucking up the planet first thing Monday morning.”

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