19 “shit jokes” that are so shit that you might just laugh despite your better judgement
We’ve been enjoying reading @shitjokes on Twitter – a simple enough premise: they post enjoyable shit jokes.
Here’s 19 of their best:
I went to the doctors with hearing problems.
He said “Can u describe the symptoms?”
I said “Homers a fat bloke and Marge has blue hair”
My wife came home from work crying yesterday and asked me to console her.
So I hit her over the head with my Xbox.
How does Moses make his tea? ☕️
I’m serious that Israeli how he does it.
Just got banned from B&Q, some dickhead in an orange apron came up to me and asked if I wanted decking!!
Lucky I got the first punch in.
Just seen a French footballer playing on a nintendo…
It was Thierry on Wii
Jimmy Saville, Rolf Harris & Stuart Hall walk into a pub in Ireland.
Barman says “not yew tree again”
My new years resolution is to stop using spray on deodorant!
Roll on next year!
Burnt my Hawaiian pizza today.
Should have put it on aloha setting.
Chris Eubank has just written a book about Ethics.
If it’s a success his next one will be about Kent.
Gutted the wife has left me!
She’s took the Sky Box and all my Bob Marley records too.
No woman no Sky
A bloke on a tractor has just driven past me shouting “The end of the world is nigh!!”
I think it was Farmer Geddon.
I met a girl with 12 nipples today
Why can’t dyslexics tell jokes?
They always punch up the fuckline.
How to work out your twat name…
Take your first name and replace it with Piers.
Now take your surname and replace it with Morgan.
If you see someone doing a crossword today, lean over them and say 7 up is Lemonade.
News: ‘Boy George’s reptile bites 5 people in one day.’
He needs a calmer chameleon.
Having a charity event for people that struggle to orgasm.
Let me know if you can’t come.
Fell asleep at a party last night, and someone put a teabag in my mouth, i went mental!!!!
No one treats me like a mug.
Me: Doctor you’ve got to help me, I’m addicted to Twitter.
Doctor: I don’t follow you.