19 “shit jokes” that are so shit that you might just laugh despite your better judgement

We’ve been enjoying reading @shitjokes on Twitter – a simple enough premise: they post enjoyable shit jokes.

Here’s 19 of their best:

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I went to the doctors with hearing problems.
He said “Can u describe the symptoms?”
I said “Homers a fat bloke and Marge has blue hair”

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My wife came home from work crying yesterday and asked me to console her.
So I hit her over the head with my Xbox.

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How does Moses make his tea? ☕️
Hebrews it.
I’m serious that Israeli how he does it.

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Just got banned from B&Q, some dickhead in an orange apron came up to me and asked if I wanted decking!!
Lucky I got the first punch in.

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Just seen a French footballer playing on a nintendo…
It was Thierry on Wii

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Jimmy Saville, Rolf Harris & Stuart Hall walk into a pub in Ireland.
Barman says “not yew tree again”

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My new years resolution is to stop using spray on deodorant!
Roll on next year!

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Burnt my Hawaiian pizza today.
Should have put it on aloha setting.

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Chris Eubank has just written a book about Ethics.
If it’s a success his next one will be about Kent.

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Gutted the wife has left me!
She’s took the Sky Box and all my Bob Marley records too.
No woman no Sky

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A bloke on a tractor has just driven past me shouting “The end of the world is nigh!!”
I think it was Farmer Geddon.

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I met a girl with 12 nipples today
Sounds fun
Dozen tit

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Why can’t dyslexics tell jokes?
They always punch up the fuckline.

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How to work out your twat name…
Take your first name and replace it with Piers.
Now take your surname and replace it with Morgan.

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If you see someone doing a crossword today, lean over them and say 7 up is Lemonade.

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News: ‘Boy George’s reptile bites 5 people in one day.’
He needs a calmer chameleon.

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Having a charity event for people that struggle to orgasm.
Let me know if you can’t come.

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Fell asleep at a party last night, and someone put a teabag in my mouth, i went mental!!!!
No one treats me like a mug.

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Me: Doctor you’ve got to help me, I’m addicted to Twitter.
Doctor: I don’t follow you.

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Source: https://twitter.com/shitjokes