David Cameron Demands Ebola Proves Its ‘Britishness’ Before Infecting U.K
World News: The Prime Minister has demanded that the hemorrhagic fever pass a citizenship test before it is allowed to kill British people.
Three west African countries are currently attempting to manage the largest outbreak of Ebola hemorrhagic fever in history, and there is concern it could spread to the U.K.
“We are giving Ebola a very clear message,” said the Prime Minister. “Before you can induce fever, headaches, diarrhea, vomiting and death on the British public, you must convince us that you are truly British by answering some basic trivia questions about this country.”
“Under previous Labour rules literally any virus could come to the U.K and start infecting people – pushing out traditional British diseases such as smallpox and the bubonic plague,” said Cameron.
“Under the new crackdown we will give viruses like Ebola three, instead of six, months to try and infect the public – unless it can prove it has very clear prospects of causing a nationwide epidemic.”