Festival Announced For People Who Prefer Not Shitting In A Cesspit

Music News: A new festival aimed at music fans who prefer not to shit into an acrid pit full of half-digested vegan Pad Thai has been announced.

“We will offer everything that the typical summer music festival experience has, but without having to get into a flimsy plastic box and take a crap over a stinking mound of four-day-old shit,” said festival spokesman Marvin Sūdi.

“To be honest the lineup and camping facilities don’t really matter when people know they don’t have to spend the festival precariously dangling their arses over a giant pit of fetid human waste.”

The festival, called ‘Flushfest 2013’, bills itself as “Love music. Hate chemical toilets. Love flushing, wiping with soft paper and washing your hands afterwards.”

“I heard the Stone Roses are playing Flushfest!” said one excited festival-goer on Twitter. “I can’t wait to hear Ian brown sing the classics, then take a big dump in a proper toilet!”