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New Taliban Deputy Has Innovative Ideas About Terrorism, Team Bonding

Terror News: The Pakistani Taliban have chosen a new deputy commander, who says he is inspired by the working practices of internet companies like Google and Facebook.

Their previous second-in-command was killed in a recent U.S. drone strike, and the new deputy leader promises to bring a ‘breath of fresh air’ to the Taliban, along with some ‘forward thinking ideas’ about the working environment.

“First off I’d like to reduce the rigid formality of the office with dress down Fridays and letting people work from home once in a while,” announced Khan Said, 38.

“We also will have a ‘breakout room’, a casual area with couches, beanbags and cool artwork that which will encourage the free exchange of ideas and blue sky thinking. There will also be a fridge full of free juice, smoothies and healthy snacks.”

“And at least once a month we will get out of the office altogether, taking the whole team on an ‘offsite’ visit to a bowling alley or for a posh burger. Also, death to America!”