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Nick Grimshaw’s Lost Listeners Found Cowering In Disused Coal Mine

Radio News: The million listeners DJ Nick Grimshaw has lost since taking over the Radio One Breakfast show have been found alive and well, cowering in a disused mine.

Recent figures show Grimshaw has lost over 950,000 listeners in the six months since he took over from Chris Moyles.

“We just wanted to make sure we didn’t have to hear his voice ever again,” said a spokesman for the listeners. “So we took refuge in the deepest part of this abandoned mine – it was really good while it lasted.”

“This simply proves that our faith in Nick was well placed,” said a senior source at Radio 1. “These people weren’t listening to another breakfast show, they were simply in a location that had no radio reception. Or natural light. And very low levels of oxygen.”

Former Radio 1 breakfast show host Mike Smith criticised Radio 1’s strategy. “They say they’re going for a younger audience – that’s just wrong. They’ve relentlessly chased youth so much that the youth are now hiding in abandoned mines.”