Pope Resigns: “I Am 29% Horse”

Catholic News: The Pope has resigned, after DNA tests showed that like most processed meat products in Europe, he is partly made of horses.

Pope Benedict XVI announced his shock resignation yesterday, citing that he could no longer lead the church knowing he was partly made from unregulated horse meat obtained from Irish and Romanian suppliers.

“It has come as quite a shock to all of us,” said a Vatican spokesman. “But the rules on this are very specific, we cannot have a Pope that is not 100% human meat.”

Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger became Pope in 2005 after John Paul II’s death and is the first papal resignation in nearly 600 years. The Vatican claims it was unaware of the Pope’s meat content and was fooled by fake documents supplied to them by ‘a man in a cassock that had taken a vow of silence’.

“It’s just another case of misleading packaging fooling the consumer,” said one shocked churchgoer. “It makes me question what other things the church has misled us about.”