Insurance Companies To Offset High Premiums With Your Firstborn Child

Barely Affordable News: Insurance companies have offered to lower the premiums for flood hit areas of the UK, in exchange for the homeowner’s firstborn child.

The move comes after the news that 200,000 homes will not be able to afford soaring insurance premiums.

“We appreciate that insurance price increases may leave many homeowners out of pocket, or with no cover at all,” said a spokesman for the The Association of British Insurers.

“Our proposal is simple – we will keep premiums at an affordable level in exchange for your firstborn child.”

It is thought the insurance industry initially proposed that the homeowner would sign over their soul, an idea that was quickly rejected as they ‘have no use for souls – only the flesh of the young will suffice’. The Environment Agency has called the proposal ‘deeply unfair’.

“The cost of repairing flood damaged property is enormous,” said an Agency spokesman. “It would cost more than one child – the fair price would be at least two, if not three children.”

Story: Simon Swatman