Vacuum maker James Dyson finally brings out blowjob machine

Technology News: The inventor of the bagless vacuum cleaner, James Dyson, says his company will finally bow to consumer pressure and make a blowjob machine.

“We’ve conducted extensive research on consumer use of our products,” said Dyson. “We found that 98% of Dyson Airblades™ have had a dick dangled in them at some point – clearly that’s just not hygienic.”

“Therefore we intend to just cut to the chase and harness our Radial Root Cyclone™ technology to give frustrated men with money to burn the relief they demand.”

Details about the new product are scarce, but it is rumoured to be based on an existing cordless hand held Dyson vacuum. “It will offer up to 20 minutes of sucking pleasure from a single charge,” said Dyson.

“It will also utilise our patent Ball™ technology to ensure the oral action your penis will receive is the most cutting edge blow job you’ll ever experience. Hopefully that fact will take the edge off the intense depression you’ll feel after sticking your dick in a machine.”

Story: Simon Swatman