Mail-order bride found dead in box

Bride News:  A 52-year old man from Nelson, Lancashire, is calling on all mail-order bride companies to make sure they put sufficent air-holes in their boxes.

Unlucky-in-love Colin Pattelli made the grim discovery yesterday when he went to collect a parcel from his local post office.

“I came home from work Thursday evening and noticed one of those little red leaflets telling me I had missed a delivery,” says Pattelli.

“I didn’t give it a second thought as I was preoccupied with getting ready to meet my new girlfriend. She was due to arrive at my house after flying in from Thailand.”

However, when Mr Pattelli’s new fiancee failed to show, he simply resigned himself to ‘being ripped off again’. “I only remembered the little red leaflet on my way out to work on Monday morning,” Pattelli continues.

“I called in at the Post Office on Monday afternoon to see what the package was, signed the papers and came home with a large box strapped to the roof of my Fiat Cinquencento.”

Once back in his flat Mr Pattelli opened his parcel and discovered it contained the lifeless body of his recently-purchased wife.

“It’s not an ideal situation,” surmises Mr. Pattelli. “I have written to www.yougiveusmoneywesendaveryprettyladyforyouyes.com and suggested that they put decent air-holes in the packing crates. I think this should be taken as a shot across the bow for the entire industry.”

However, Mr. Pattellis says he’s determined ‘to make the best of it’.

“We have a saying in Nelson: ‘a dead girlfriend is marginally better than no girlfriend’. I’m able to laugh about the mix-up now and have decided to keep her.”