New iPhone to inject endorphins directly into brain
The Apple iPhone 5 looks a lot like the iPhone 4S but is thinner, by 18 per cent, and lighter, by 20 per cent. It will also have a retractable syringe that injects a morphine-like substance directly into the brain during calls, to give users a feeling of well-being and mild euphoria.
Many expressed surprise at how quickly Apple planned to roll out the new model around the world, which goes on sale this Friday. “Our users urgently demand to feel something – anything – while making calls,” said Apple CEO Tim Cook.
“We tried making our users feel happy by improving the technology, but we realised that it would be much easier if the iPhone just had a big needle on it that shoots endorphins into your brain, giving you that instant rush.”
The daunting cost of the iPhone 5 may put off new users, but Cook is confident the new feature will hook customers. “When you’ve had a needle injecting endorphins into your head during a call with your Mom once, you’ll never want to call your Mom without a needle injecting endorphins into your brain ever again.”
Story: Simon Swatman