HMV blames losses on musicians not working hard enough

Music News: Troubled music retailer HMV has blamed continued falling profits on ‘lazy musicians’ who are not working hard enough to make ‘decent tunes’.

The company released a scathing press release after news that further losses had seen a drastic drop in their share value. “HMV is doing its best to support musicians around the world,” read the statement.

“But these so called ‘musicians’ continue to churn out lazy, repetitive music that no-one wants to listen to, let alone buy. I mean, have you heard the last Kayne West album? What a load of appalling toss that was. We couldn’t dance to any of it at the last shareholders meeting.”

“And don’t get us started on the Stone Roses album that’s due in 2013, we reckon we’ll sell a dozen copies tops. Do you remember the Second Coming? What a crock of overrated, wailing shite that was.”

HMV has threatened music labels that if their artists don’t ‘try harder’ they may stop selling CD’s altogether – or at least starting drawing cocks on the CD cases in permanent marker.

Story: Simon Swatman