Royals in BBC-style move north by 2015

Jubilee News: The government announced today that it will move the Royal Family to the north of England, in a move that has been blasted by backbench MPs and the majority of the House of Lords.

In a plan that will surely take the shine off the Queen’s Golden Jubilee celebrations, the Royals have been ordered to sell up and move ‘lock, stock and barrel’ to Doncaster.

Buckingham Palace will be sold off and converted into to ‘high-end luxury’ apartments. A major supermarket has already enquired about taking the ground floor of the palace for shop space, and ‘the world’s biggest parking solutions company’ has paid several millions for the contract to run a lucrative new car park in the garden.

Defending the decision, a Treasury spokesman said; “We must move away from this idea that the life of the nation revolves around the capital, and just as the BBC has moved north, so should the Windsors.”

“During this recession we just have to cut costs, and it will simply be cheaper for the country if the Royals live up north. For example, swan pate is nearly £6 for a 250 gram tin in Fortnum & Masons on Piccadilly, and in Doncaster it simply isn’t available, so that’s a saving of £6 already.”

Story+Image: Nick Tolson