Cowell biography becomes graphic novel

Cowell News: Comic book giants Marvel released a sneak preview of their latest publication today: a graphic novel version of Tom Bower’s Simon Cowell biography.

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“‘Supercowell’ takes the basic ingredients of regular Cowell’s life and supercharges it,” says Marvel CEO Max Bywalken.

“When we approached Tom Bower for the rights to turn his masterwork into a comic strip sensation we were always looking to give this wonderful story the superhero treatment – we sell more toys that way.”

“Originally Alan Moore was going to adapt it, but then he became extremely busy with a DIY project so we got someone else, who – and let me be quite clear about this – is also called Alan.”

Whether it’s his manly treatment of the ladies (“You keep crying like that Cheryl Cole and I’ll do your mum in the bumhole”) or classic confrontations with his arch-enemies (“I’ll get you next time, Simon Fuller!”) Supercowell’s tale of triumph over all TV and all music is surely destined for the big screen.

“Hollywood is desperate for a new kind of business-orientated action star,” says industry insider Boris Labisha.

“Audiences don’t want squeaky clean heroes anymore. They want their role models to roll models. And to always be photographed on a yacht. And to always have that look when an ordinary kid has just burst into tears in front of him that says ‘if I wanted to see some soppy shit in here I would’ve brought my horse.’”

Story: Jasper Gibson

Images: Simon Swatman