Marks & Spencer blame faulty Twiggy for poor sales

Twiggy News: Marks & Spencer have blamed poor sales forecasts and low stock prices on Twiggy, the model that has fronted ad campaigns for the retailer since 2005.

“Everything was just just fine before Twiggy turned up,” said M&S chief executive Marc Bolland. “Then the next thing I know, the whole business is on it’s knees. I’ve never trusted that woman. She has cold, dead eyes.”

“It’s certainly not my fault,” he went on to add.

Bolland believes that Twiggy is directly responsible for the failing of M&S – suggesting that at night she has broken into to a number of stores and moved knitwear around, spoiled sandwiches and smashed packets of shortbread.

The chain, which operates more than 700 stores in the UK, has said that in future Twiggy will only be aloud to make tea and keep the office tidy, until they feel they can trust her and make sure ‘she’s not up to anything’.

Story: Simon Swatman