NHS trust outsources incubator to local chip shop

NHS News: With £4.5 billion in cuts expected by 2015 and the number of births steadily increasing each year, the cost of incubators became the latest frontline in the war against privatisation of the NHS today with the announcement of a radical new policy by University Hospitals of Leicester NHS Trust (UHL).

NHS trust outsources incubator to local chip shop

Cash-strapped UHL, which last year admitted an ‘overshoot’ of six million pounds, will begin outsourcing it’s incubation services to Deanos Kavanos, owner of the Codfather Fryer on the Welford Road, from November.

“We’ve been doing it for years in our family,” said Mr. Kavanos who was ‘overjoyed’ to have won the contract. “All of my three have nestled amongst the sundries at some point. It’s very calm in the food warmer.”

Health Secretary Andrew Lansley said he hoped by 2012 all chippys in the country would be able to house up to 5 premature infants at a time – as well as all the usual pies, saveloys and fish.

Well I think it’s fantastic,” said Audrey Black, 28, who had her child incubated at the Codfather during the pilot scheme.

My husband joked that our little’un looked so good you could eat him! No seriously, Deanos has done a great job. Not only does he do the best onion rings, he saved our baby’s life. Plus he smells terrific…our baby, that is, not Deanos.”

Despite the controversy, Bill Hanesly, chief executive of UHL, insisted that “chip shop incubation is just as hygenic as using an old-fashioned ‘hospital’ incubator.”

“They are exactly the same temperature, and they will provide the taxpayer a saving of millions. It’s just common sense.”


Story+Image:  Mother’s Best Child