UK shops braced for massive Shrove Tuesday spending

Retailers across the country are hoping that consumer spending on Shrove Tuesday will be the highest yet, helping to fend off the post-Brexit sales slump through pancake consumption.

“We anticipate more than 11 million shoppers will ignore the fact they don’t really like pancakes that much to make this the biggest Shrove Tuesday yet,” said British Retail Consortium spokesman Gastar Dinero.

“If people panic-buy enough eggs, flour and bottles of Jif as we predict, the UK retail sector will see a tremendous boost. I’m hoping to see people trampled to death in a cloud of flour and lemon juice.”

Not everyone shares the retail sector’s upbeat outlook. “A backdrop of challenging economic circumstances could translate into subdued Pancake Day spending,” warned Economist Dr. Milton Berle.

“To save money, people might instead look at a picture of a pancake on the internet, which is free and doesn’t involve hot, burning oil.”