Lloyds execs to be kicked in the shins until they cry

Finance News: Lloyds Banking Group has announced plans to repeatedly kick ten executives in the shins, until they cry and apologise for being so bloody rubbish at banking.

The bank, which also owns the Halifax, the Bank of Scotland and the Cheltenham and Gloucester, is expected to introduce a lottery system for the thousands of customers who were mis-sold payment protection insurance.

A lucky ten customers will then be given heavy-duty boots and invited to repeatedly kick the executives in the shins outside of the bank’s headquarters in London.

“We want to see actual tears,” said a Lloyds spokesman.

“If we can’t get tears of regret at what they’ve done to the economy, then we’ll settle for tears of pain as their shins get kicked into mince by a furious customer we accidentally-on-purpose ripped off.”

Story: Simon Swatman