London Airport to be built ‘on top of the unemployed’

Poor News: London Mayor Boris Johnson has put forward plans to build a new London airport in the Thames Estuary on ‘the shattered bodies of the poor and unemployed’.

If his plans are passed by the Government, jobless Londoners – and those who earn under a certain amount each year – will be escorted onto a high speed train to Kent, taken to the site in the estuary and invited to lie down in the water and form the foundations of the new airport.

“We’re inviting Londoners to really be an active part of this new airport,” said Johnson.

“Specifically the foundations of runways one, two and three.”

“Their worthless pleb bodies would make an ecologically-friendly foundation for building on, and it would get those dreary poor people of the streets of the capital – making the city a vibrant, happy place for all my friends in Chelsea and Kensington.”

“Oh God, that sounds like something he would say,” confirmed a spokesman for the Mayor’s office.

“I’ll have to check. Oh God. I’m so sorry.”

Story+Image: Simon Swatman