Scientists freaked out by new species of spider

Science News: A brand new species of spider has been discovered that caused some scientists to throw up, and left others silently rocking back and forth, unable to talk about the horror they had just witnessed.

The spider, discovered on a trip to Tanzania by the University Of Bristol, has been named “Christ No, Jesus Christ No” after the first words uttered by the Professor who discovered it. It’s reported that since the discovery, that Professor has subsequently taken his own life.

“It’s a remarkable discovery in many ways,” said Dr. Vincent Boquerones. “Aside from deepening our understanding of the natural world, this new species has many practical uses – like putting the obese off their dinner, or for young boys to traumatise their older sisters.”

It’s reported that several specimens of the spider have been shipped back to the U.K for further study, although the University Of Bristol has yet to confirm if the spiders were responsible for the alleged deaths of five customs officials who decided to ‘have a quick peek’.

Story+Image: Simon Swatman