Astronauts find used condom floating in space

Space News: An astronaut aboard the International Space Station claims to have found a condom among the hazardous man-made detritus in low orbit around Earth. The world’s leading space agencies are describing the discovery as ‘anomalous’ and ‘gross’.

“It is most disturbing find,” said Russian Station Commander Andrey Borisenko.

“Flight Engineer Fossum declare he find it stuck to side of airlock. Note that contraceptive – which is out of packet and icky – was ‘found’ by American crew member. Just saying. It is interesting.”

Ground staff at NASA and the Russian Federal Space Agency are theorising just how a used prophylactic came to be floating more than 300 km above the planet.

“It’s a mystery, and I’m still shaken,” said astronaut Mike Fossum. “I’m aware that Commander Borisenko has raised doubts about my version of events, but note that I found the condom in the Japanese-built section of the space station. That’s where Satoshi Furukawa hangs out a lot, alone. I’m just saying.”

Medical Officer Furukawa says he has no idea how the condom came to be there: “This is troubling and dishonourable. But note that this item of suspicion is a well-known Russian brand. Just saying.”

Story: Michael Brett

Image: Q4Nobody