Petraeus hands over Afghanistan command to Hulk Hogan
World News: U.S General David Petraeus has handed over command of the Afghan war to ex-wrestler and reality TV star Hulk Hogan yesterday, in line with preparations to withdraw over the next few years.
“I’ve done about as much as I can in Afghanistan” said Petraeus in a statement released to the press.
“Now it’s time for me to ‘tag’ Hogan and let some Hulkamania into the ‘ring’ – hopefully he can ‘pin down’ the insurgents until al-Qaida are forced into ‘submission’.”
The rest of the written statement was illegible, as it appeared to be heavily stained by tears.
“It’s a proven strategy that has worked time and time again for both the U.S and the U.K” says military expert Jean-Jaques Pistolet.
“In 1982, Big Daddy was sent to the Falklands to mop up the last of the Argentinean forces – and as recently as 2006 in Iraq, Bret “The Hitman” Hart proved integral in locating and capturing Saddam Hussein.”
“I think he sat on Hussein’s chest until the Navy SEALs showed up.”