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David Attenborough presents Life on Meth

TV News: Celebrated British naturalist and veteran broadcaster Sir David Attenborough is set to return to our screens this autumn, in what he says will be the last of his Life series of programmes, detailing the wonder of the nation’s flora and fauna from the point of view of someone out of their mind on crystal meth.

david attenborough on meth “The urban foxes you have to watch out for,” Sir David told us, as he quivered behind a wheelie bin in Harrow.

“Some of them can grow to over 6 feet high, and when you cut off their heads they grow back, so improvised swords are no good to you. Someone said they could get me a gun. Have you seen him? He had like a green jacket and was called Tom. I’d be all right with a gun. I could get them all. Devious fuckers.”

Sir David’s agent and colleagues at the BBC are said to be fascinated by this attempt to uncover a world so rarely explored or understood, but have ‘deep reservations’ about his commitment to the genuine experience.

“His family miss him so much,” BBC commissioning editor Humphrey Davy told us. “We’re all worried about him. He doesn’t eat properly, never calls home and everybody who’s seen him says he looks emaciated and stinks of piss.”