Daily Mail run UK Immigration during strike

Strike News: Staff from the Daily Mail are to step in and run the UK Border Agency during today’s strike by public sector workers. Customs and immigration will be temporarily staffed by journalists from the Mail and it’s associated papers – including The Mail On Sunday, The Metro and a couple of people from Loot who just happened to have a day off anyway.

Richard Littlejohn, speaking in his new role as strategic director of border control, attempted to allay fears over the strike. “With these namby pampy wannabe-socialist public sector workers on strike – or ‘boo hoo day off’ as I call it it – UK immigration could be thrown into chaos, but I can assure you with me firmly at the rudder we won’t be letting anyone in.”

“One of my main aims as the new head of HM Revenue & Customs is to making sure male visitors to the U.K open doors for women” said fellow Mail columnist Liz Jones.

“Aside from the usual questions about smuggling and illegal imports, I also intend to quiz UK visitors about organic farms, Waitrose, boob reductions, SamCam and people in call centres who can’t speak properly. Of course I intend to be very lenient towards anyone from outside the EU who can give me the number of a reliable plumber or kitchen-fitter. They’re just so hard to find, you know?”