How to succeed on Twitter

Tech News: New research into Twitter has revealed that it’s far more than just an endless stream of people commenting on TV or asking questions that could be answered within seconds on Google. The survey, commissioned by The Poke, has revealed a much larger intellectual depth to the social network – as well as some surefire ways of increasing your follower count.

“There is no doubt that Twitter has been a runaway success,” says leading social media commentator Samson Prick. “With well over 10 billion tweets and impressive growth, we predict if things carry on like this then every person on the planet will have at least three Twitter accounts by 2019 – so people had better start thinking now about what fake celebrity or humorous inanimate object those other accounts will be for.”

But where next for Twitter? Co-founder Evan Williams remains tight-lipped about the future of the service, though he has hinted at new ‘lickable’ apps for the iPad which will open up Twitter to cats and dogs whose owners have so much money and so little common sense that they buy iPads for their pets.