Good news at last: Cheryl awarded honorary GCSE

Cheryl News: First she was dumped from the US X-Factor, now she is being squeezed out of the UK version – but nation’s sweetheart Cheryl Cole had her bank holiday blues lifted this morning when she was awarded an honorary GCSE by Ridinghurst School in Gateshead.

The slighted singer was presented with the scrolled exam result by headmistress Rosemary Gilt, who praised her ‘her very British qualities’ of ‘cheeky pluckiness’ and ‘bubbly scrumptiousness’ in an emotional speech that saw Cheryl visibly moved

“Now I’ve got a GCSE in maths,” she gushed after the ceremony, “and I’m no good at maths. Never have been. No, I’m serious.”

She then took a seat in the audience to watch Year 8 pupils perform their version of the Amy Winehouse song ‘Rehab’.

Also in the front row was Education Minister Michael Gove, hoping that the event would inject some much-needed glamour into the academy schools programme. Unfortunately he had clapped so hard during the ceremony he fractured his wrists, and was unable to shake hands with the star.