Cameron’s ‘social mobility’ map

UK News: At a keynote speech today the prime minister, standing beneath a map entitled ‘UK Social Mobility: To Infinity And Beyond’, laid out his vision of a Britain destined to ‘set the standard’ in social mobility ‘for the world.’

Dismissing Labour’s claims that the government was leading the UK down the road to a less inclusive society, Mr Cameron declared that ‘from the top to the bottom, Britain is a country of equals.’

“It’s not just the comprehensives that are rubbish – public schools also spawn miserable and idiotic children. It’s not just feckless scum on housing estates – there are a great many chinless wonders on country estates, up and down the country, making just as much of a mess of their lives.”

“Take, for example, a certain member of the House of Lords. He was an old chum from school, and before I actually gave him a peerage, he used to be a prominent mercenary specialising in bungled African coups. The man’s a bloodthirsty moron, but I didn’t hold that against him.”

“Heroin addicts, fraudsters, rapists… Eton was full of them! Just like the town where you live and where, despite all your efforts, you will remain.”