Pippa: ‘I starred in a porn film with some gay clowns’

Celebrity News: Pippa Middleton, anxious to head-off any further pictures, videos or revelations about her private life, took the initiative today, admitting that she had once starred in an art house pornographic film with some “hairy old gay clowns.”

“I was younger then, and though I didn’t really need the money, I certainly relished the experience,” Miss Middleton told a crowd of journalists and foreign suitors from the steps of her London home.

“We filmed it all in a single take in a Trusthouse Forte hotel outside Cardiff. I was paid in Happy Eater vouchers and chocolate, but the real value to me are the memories.”

“Until you’ve seen a man who is professionally known as Mr. Giggles treat another man like a puppet while raining down the love thunder upon you – well, you haven’t lived.”

While the assembled crowd groaned and winced, Miss Middleton ploughed on through the details, determined that she would not be accused of “hiding anything.”

“One clown drove his tiny car around the bed. He was naked, except for his face make-up.”

“Another lost a toy horn up himself. It was pure cinema and I don’t regret a thing.”

The previously underground clown porn classic ‘Clown Bangers: Night of the Nose’ has since become the most downloaded video of all time.

“I am still in touch with Mr. Giggles and am proud of what we achieved,” Miss Middleton continued. “As for the rest of the cast I wish them all continued success in their careers in Whitehall and the Church.”