Dyson invents the Face Iron

Technology News: Jeremy Dyson, maverick inventor and poster boy for the entrepreneurial spirit, unveiled a startling new product today, uniting the domestic appliance market with the world of cosmetic enhancement.

The Dyson Face Iron, which uses a patented form of collengenic steam, can be used both on clothes and the human face, smoothing down wrinkles wherever they appear.

“I’m known for removing bags from hoovers. Well now I’m going to remove the bags from your saggy old chops,” he told an audience of industry insiders.

“With an item of clothing, the Face Iron steams away wrinkles in the ordinary fashion. The same principle applies to your face – it will just smooth away any lines, puffiness or wrinkles, right up until your next wash.”

Volunteers who were invited up on stage for a face-ironing were ecstatic.

“It’s incredible,” said Dotty Harrison, 73. “Two minutes ago I had a chicken neck and skin like chewed orange peel. Now I look like a 25-year old. With a weird neck.”

“We believe it’s a safer, greener, cleaner alternative to plastic surgery,” said Dyson.

“Yes it doesn’t last in the rain, yes you’ll need to re-iron yourself after a dip in the pool, and on no account should you use it on testicles – but if you’ve ever looked in the mirror and wanted to press yourself into the hot metal of temporary youth, then the Dyson Face Iron is for you.”