Government to privatise gap between rich and poor

UK News: Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne announced today what he described as “the most radical development in state economic policy for a generation.”

From next month, the government is set to privatise the gap between rich and poor, selling it off in chunks to private contractors.

“We are in the middle of an unprecedented economic crisis,” Osbone told the House of Commons during a particularly rowdy session, “and it would be remiss of this or any other government to ignore the potential benefit to our public finances of what is, and will remain, the strongest, most reliable sector of growth in the economy.”

However, while Ed Miliband insisted that it was Labour who should take the credit for the growth, citing a decade of ‘progressive policy-making’, embattled Lib Dem leader Nick Clegg dealt what is being described as a ‘potentially fatal blow’ to the coalition, declaring that Osborne’s decision left him “appalled”.

“The gap between rich and poor is not something to be ‘privatised’” Clegg was forced to shout over boos and catcalls from both sides of the house.

“The idea, Mr. Speaker, that you can sell such a thing off for a quick buck is not only morally reprehensible but downright distasteful to the majority of the British people.”

“Instead of privatisation, wouldn’t it be better to focus on investment? This gap should be nurtured and grown, until it has become something every single person in this country can be a part of. Then, and only then, would we have truly achieved a fairer society for Britain.”