Mugabe: ‘I will now also step down – in 2024’

World News: Following the lead of the Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak and Yemeni’s Ben Ali to stand aside, Zimbabwe’s President, Robert Mugabe, has now offered to follow suit on his hundredth birthday – the year 2024 – in order to ensure ‘a smooth and orderly transition of money to an offshore bank.’

In the meantime, Mr. Mugabe’s Zanu-PF party has promised to respond to more global demands for regime change – gathering pace since the events that continue to sweep through the Arab world – by maintaining all the normal levels of mob attacks, death threats, politically motivated arrests and even the occasional shooting.

Mr. Mugabe is also said to be ‘looking forward’ to the eventual handover of power, and is making plans to be cryogenically frozen. When science has found a way he can be safely reanimated with all physical and mental functions intact, Mugabe intends to change the constitution again and officially become ‘President for all eternity’.