Crufts ‘dogged by corruption’

First the cricket, then Wayne Rooney and now Crufts. This morning the Press Complaints Commission launches an investigation into allegations made by News Of The World that an undercover reporter was able to bribe one of the leading contenders for Crufts 2011 into throwing the contest.

The editorial team of the paper claim they have video evidence of Lucky, a pedigree retriever from Honiton in Devon, agreeing to lose interest in the agility competition for £100,000 and a lifetime’s supply of Eukanuba in a conversation which they maintain took place at a kennel in Budleigh Salterton last month, while his owner was on holiday in the Maldives.

 “It’s clearly not my darling,” Ambrosia Reiss-Purnell, who has reared Lucky since he was a pup, said on viewing the footage. “Lucky doesn’t respond to such efforts to corrupt him. He was brought up on principles of honesty and steadfastness in the face of temptation. Also, he has a spot on his nose which this one doesn’t seem to have.”

 Lucky, his full name Lucius Of Macedonia Champion Of Sylvan Restitution and whose pedigree can be traced back to the Treaty of Versailles, was defended by a spokesman from the Kennel Club.

 “We have seen Lucky compete for many years,” he said, “and we have absolutely no doubt he is innocent. Dogs are the most loyal of animals, and retrievers are the most loyal of dogs. Lucky’s place in the 2011 Crufts is assured and I look forward to watching his performance.”

 When asked to comment on the footage, Lucky re-arranged his bedding for 3 minutes then laid down and sighed.