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The Daily Mail Tube Map

CLICK ON THE IMAGE TO ENLARGE In preparation for London 2012 we’ve updated our Daily Mail Moral Underground tube map to guide the influx of Olympic tourists to over 250 thrilling destinations in Dacreville. Readers can now get a one-way ticket to Winslet, Wind Turbines and Waitrose or purchase a cheap-day return to Tasers, Traffic Wardens and Twiggy. There’s a whole new line of cancer attractions...

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Angry Grandad wades into ‘Manners Girl’ email furore

Manners Girl Latest: As both families continue their war of words over the young woman’s conduct, the latest salvo has come from the boy’s GRANDFATHER. In this swingeing email, currently doing the rounds on Twitter and Facebook with even greater speed than the Queen’s original, Prince Philip doesn’t hold back when he tells the Middletons what he expects from Kate. The young...

Tags: alan withers, canada, carolyn bourne, email, Facebook, family, heidi, Kate Middleton, manners girl, pippa, prince philip, twitter, will and kate

What will their kids look like?

Royal News: From time immemorial, Royal Weddings have provided the pomp and ceremony to frame the burning question of succession: who’s next to get their own coin? Will Kate and Will procreate to secure the continued existence of the monarchy? Or will their progeny be a hump-backed degenerate who gambles away Buckingham Palace after too much Bells and Irn Bru? [use the controls in the bottom...

Tags: Kate Middleton, Prince Charles, prince harry, Princess Diana, Royal babies, royal wedding, will and kate

I Could Have Married Kate

Tags: Barbershopera, Kate Middleton, prince william, royal wedding

Royal Wedding fever sees Will’s bald spot in fashion

Fashion News: The bald spot, long-time resident of fashion’s style ghetto, is finally enjoying its moment in the sun as Royal Wedding fever sees Prince William inspire the latest worldwide trend. From Hollywood stars to supermodels, sporting celebrities to TV personalities, these days everyone who’s anyone is rocking ‘the crown’ – fashion slang for a ‘hair exclusion...

Tags: bald spot, Beckhams, fashion, Kate Middleton, Posh, prince william, royal wedding, style, trend

Will’s stag: the shocking truth

ROYAL STAG EXCLUSIVE by Simon Swatman. While media speculation continues to focus on chest wigs and drinking games, St James’s Palace has been eager play down Prince William’s stag party, insisting that it was ‘just good clean fun’. Now, anonymous sources close to the Royal family have leaked what is apparently the original plan for the stag party, as drawn up by Prince Harry...

Tags: bachelor party, Kate Middleton, prince harry, Prince of Wales, prince william, royal wedding, St James Palace, stag do, stag party

Kate Middleton spiked with LSD during hen party

Royal Wedding News: It was the best of times, it was the worst of times: Kate Middleton’s secret hen party went from success to distress this weekend when the Queen-to-be was spiked with acid during a rowdy session with male stripping troupe, the Chippendales. Organized by her sister, the hen group descended on Options nightclub in Newquay with regulation hen-do t-shirts and VIP passes....

Tags: acid, comedy, funny, hen do, hen party, Kate Middleton, LSD, prince harry, prince william, royal wedding, sambuca, satire, the chippendales

William and Kate refuse to comment on sex life

ROYAL NEWS: Amidst a flurry of flashbulbs, Prince William and his partner Kate Middleton continue to face a media storm today as journalists and broadcasters leap into action after months of speculation about their engagement. However, despite repeated questions by journalist about every aspect of their lives together, neither one would be drawn on details of their sex life. “We are both very, very...

Tags: engagement, Kate Middleton, prince william, queen, ring, royal wedding

Daily Mail Tube Map

CLICK TO EXPAND TO FULL MAP For legal reasons he can only be named as ‘Journalist F’, but today this young member of The Daily Mail’s editorial staff is in hiding as threats and invective continue to spew from Paul Dacre’s office after their top secret editorial formula was leaked to the press. Journalist F, rumoured to be less than five years in the job, somehow gained access...