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What Is Up With That?
It’s well known that Roy Hattersley
and Jade Jagger share a secret undersea base, but do any other
British politicians maintain a similar hi-tech complex?
The seafront at Cromer is just a painted concrete
shell behind which Ken Clarke lives in minimalist luxury.
He has a hologram of the world floating over a coffee table,
which he uses to plan his diabolical weekend breaks.
Kay Staples, Poole, Dorset
My father worked as a milliner for various administrations
between the wars. On one occasion, he had to deliver Chamberlain’s
parliamentary top hat to what he described as a vast shed
staffed by dozens of beautiful women who were quite naked,
except for exquisite Swiss clocks, which they wore as masks.
My father claimed that this strange place could be reached
only by means of a staircase, seven miles deep, that descended
from a pub basement in Greenwich. That my father is 38-years-old
only makes these facts more astounding.
Tim Beacon, Derby.
I’m not sure if he has a secret base, but
Boris Johnson is forever roaring across the fields behind
our house in a cerise contraption he calls ‘the Fuckmobile’.
Alice James, Henley-On-Thames, Oxfordshire
It’s said that breakthroughs in both
video and internet technology were driven by the porn industry.
Is this true of any other technologies?
Recently declassified documents show that the
whole point of the Space Race of the 1960s was to see which
superpower’s astronauts would be first to view the ‘lewd
cosmic patterns’ in the craters on the dark side of the
moon (as predicted in Arthur C. Clarke’s 1955 short story,
Lunar Ladies Rule My Pants). Similarly, the Hubble telescope’s
primary use is to record interstellar porn from filthy nebulae
thousands of light years away, for viewing at NASA ‘chap’
parties.
Ellen Meredith, Florida
I once made an ingenious ‘grabbing hand’
device out of a broom and a toy rifle. This technology was
driven by the need to recover a jazz mag that Jamie Brigstock
had thrown onto our roof.
Sam Tull, Darlington
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