US Comfort Blanket Industry Posts Record Sales
Blankie News: After school shootings, a bombing, a gigantic industrial explosion and …

Open Kitchen Cupboard Door Eager To Taste First Blood
Accident News: An open kitchen cupboard door has yet to taste human …

Kim-Jong Un In Sulk Over Boston Rumour Mill
Boston News: North Korea’s Kim Jong Un threw a tantrum last night and …

Blogger Wonders What’s So Special About Other Blogger That They Got A Book Deal
Blog News: A food blogger has taken to the internet to ask …

New Pope Resigns After Just Ten Minutes
Vatican News: Pope Francis I has spectacularly quit the papacy, after only …

Will The Falklands Stay With The UK?
By Simon Swatman

What They’re Wearing: Pope Benedict XVI
He may have bid farewell to the faithful this week, but what …

Passengers Stranded On Cruise Ship To Make Human Sacrifice
Sea News: Crew and passengers of a cruise ship stranded in the …

North Korea To Nuke Itself Until ‘It Gets Respect’
Nuke News: North Korea has promised to carry out hundreds of further …

Pope Resigns: “I Am 29% Horse”
Catholic News: The Pope has resigned, after DNA tests showed that like …

Five Animals You Could Easily Take In A Fight
Everyone loves watching nature documentaries on TV – but in real life, …

China To Export ‘Cheap, Affordable Pollution’ To Glasgow
Environment News: China has pledged to export its record breaking smog to …

Berlusconi’s Legal Team Demands Trial Delay For Leisurely 55 Course Lunch
Bunga Bunga News: Silvio Berlusconi’s legal team has demanded a delay in …

UK Sends Morris Dancers To Falklands To Reinforce Britishness
Island News: The UK is to send over 100 Morris Dancers to …

The Ultimate Christmas Infographic
By @utterben

Abu Qatada Out In Time For Panto Season
Theatre News: Muslim cleric Abu Qatada has been freed on bail so …

Nine-Year-Old Sweatshop Worker Picked To Run China
World News: After an an intense power struggle, China’s Communist Party has …

US Population Relieved That Ad Breaks Return To Being Filled With Budweiser, Not Politics
TV News: Millions of Americans woke this morning, safe in the knowledge …

Obama, Romney offer massages in exchange for votes
Election News: US presidential rivals Barack Obama and Mitt Romney are offering …

Sandy welcomed by morons desperate to get on the news
Weather News: Superstorm Sandy has been eagerly welcomed by morons across the …