Sport
Olympic News: Organisers of the 2012 Olympics are planning to turn transport chaos in the capital this summer into an ‘inescapable’ sporting event.
“We all know that getting to work during the Olympics is going to be pure hell for Londoners,” said 2012 spokesman Piers Noah-Bivalve. “Why not monetise that hell into an Olympic event? We can sell thousands upon thousands of tickes...
Sports News: Controversial Premiership footballer Joey Barton has become mired in a fresh controversy after getting involved in a heated online debate with God.
The 29-year-old star blasted the omnipresent deity following a heated exchange of tweets, with Barton accusing God of ‘disrespecting him’ and not believing in his ‘undoubted talents.’
Avoiding a major theoretical debate...
Sports News: A war of words has erupted between ruthless Olympiad Seb Coe and Mark Thompson, Director General of the BBC, over the corporation’s decision to air leaked footage of rehearsals for the opening ceremony.
“I believe that the key element to any Olympic opening ceremony is the element of surprise,” thundered an irate Lord Coe on The Andrew Marr Show this Sunday.
“Our vision was...
HOW TO PLAY:
Whether you’ve had to take a day off work to look after the kids or you are simply stuck in Heathrow sicking up all the Burger King, this little bingo card will get you through today – just think of it as preparation for 2012, when everything will close down permanently.
Pay attention to the news coverage, or to the speeches if you are on strike, and whenever you hear one...
Sports News: Former Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi said today that he is ‘overjoyed’ to be back in showbusiness, after he was revealed as the new anchor on Sky Sports’ flagship football programme.
The show has been in limbo since the Richard Keys and Andy Gray ‘Smashitgate’ scandal, but Sky said today it is thankful that a ‘steady pair of hands’ is now...
Sports News: Disgraced Pakistan cricketers today have apologised that their involvement in an organised no-bowl betting scam has failed to reach the scandalously interesting immoral extremes of the current world banking crisis.
“It’s shameful,” said player Salman Butt outside court yesterday.
“Despite the TV-friendly nature of our scandal compared to the graphsy-numbersy-Robert...
BINGO! It’s London Fashion Week, and the capital is once again awash with champagne, gorgeous frocks, glitz, glamour, eating disorders, and that creeping sense of insecurity that rots your soul while strangling the dignity out of your human relationships.
So why not celebrate this cutting edge international event with The Poke’s ‘print off ‘n’ keep’ London Fashion...
Sports News: Manchester City Council announced its plans to stage an alternative Olympics today – for athletes who unashamedly dope themselves up to the eyeballs with performance-enhancing drugs.
“Well, it’ll be more exciting for one thing,” said Councillor Jenny Rutter, defending the event which is to be staged at exactly the same time as the ‘geeks’ Olympics in 2012.
“What...
Sports News: The Queen has been learning the haka, the Maori war dance, in preparation for the Ruby World Cup in New Zealand.
It is understood that Her Majesty approached the New Zealand government for training in the traditional dance ‘to build bridges between our two countries’ and to help ‘draw the world’s attention’ to the rich cultural heritage of the host nation...
Sports News: Arsene Wenger’s crisis at Arsenal deepened yesterday when the Frenchman admitted that the club was “out of toilet paper.”
With over 900 stadium toilets now devoid of tissue, Arsenal’s revered manager was last night pulling his hair out at the latest disaster to hit the club.
With no delivery scheduled until Monday the 12th the game against Swansea on Saturday...
