Celebrity
Banker News: Former RBS chief executive Fred Goodwin may be stripped of his knighthood, but he has pledged to continue rolling around naked on a bed covered in millions of pounds.
“You can take away my knighthood, but you’ll never take away the feeling of crisp high denomination bank notes against my naked squirming body,” said Goodwin.
The Government used £45 billion of taxpayers money to...
Facebook News: “There are some things I’d just rather forget,” said George Michael today as his offer of £1m to opt out of Facebook’s new Timeline feature went public.
Timeline, which Mark Zuckerberg announced today will soon become a mandatory rather than voluntary part of the Facebook experience, means that your entire history will remain permanently visible, prompting criticisms...
HAT NEWS: Actor Jude Law has revealed that he will spend the £130,000 settlement he received from the News of the World on beanie hats.
“These inaccurate and distorted News of the World articles had profound effect on my life,” said Law.
“But thanks to the settlement I can now start to rebuild that life, through the purchase of £130 grand’s worth of hats.”
“Jude has always lived in fear...
Poor News: London Mayor Boris Johnson has put forward plans to build a new London airport in the Thames Estuary on ‘the shattered bodies of the poor and unemployed’.
If his plans are passed by the Government, jobless Londoners – and those who earn under a certain amount each year – will be escorted onto a high speed train to Kent, taken to the site in the estuary and invited to lie...
Movie News: Actor Danny Dyer has reacted violently to being overlooked once again at this year’s BAFTA nominations, smashing up British Academy offices and threatening to set himself on fire unless he gets a special award.
Dyer has also been dismissive of this years best actor nods, labelling George Clooney a “fackin’ greaser”, Gary Oldman as “wicked in Batman but shit in everything else”...
Celebrity News: Pop music set a date with destiny last night when the newly-reunited original Sugababes line-up held a press conference to announce that they will go head-to-head against their replacements in a tag-team wrestling extravaganza for the title of ‘Ultimate Sugababes.’
The group has been through a great deal of upheaval. Founder members Siobhán Donaghy, Mutya Buena and Keisha...
Labour News: Actor George Clooney is set to advise Labour leader Ed Miliband on how to effortlessly smoulder on camera, making men want to be him and women want to be with him.
The opposition leader, who is facing falling poll ratings and mounting criticism of his performance, hopes the tips and techniques he will learn from Clooney will result in a “stronger Labour leadership, punctuated by the...
Celebrity News: TV mentalist Derren Brown was found this morning in a self-induced hypnotic trance so profound he is being medically classed as comatose.
After the mind-bending star failed to show up at a charity event, a worried management team forced entry into Brown’s home and found him lying on the floor in front of a large hallway mirror.
“Derren often uses auto-suggestion as a way to...
