Why
not be a failed Riter?
SO YOU WANT TO BE A FAILED RITER?
Then who better to learn from
than us? The people who knows best!
– The Failed Riters Bureau -
"EVERYBODIES GOT A SHIT BOOK IN THEM!"
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Are you tired of not getting
rejection letters from publishers and litery agents
every other day? Sick of your articles about the
Rotary Club being turned down by only the Parish newsletter?
…even though it is edited by your own husband
or wife?
Frustrated that people laugh aloud
when they read your pompously serious avant-garde
poetry?
Answer ‘Yes’
to any of the above?
Then we are here to
help you.
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We will set you
on the road to new forms of litery failure beyond
the wildest dreams of your limited imagination.
As a failed riter you can earn good
money (as a sandwich packer or toilet cleaner or advertising
‘creative’ or stock broker.)
To help you become a failed riter
we offer a first class home study course from proffesionally
failed riters – individual training & guidance
on toilet cleaning, sandwich packing, share dealing
and advert writing… from people who have made
litery failure a proffesion.
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COURSE
FEATURES:
‘Murder-She-Wrote-Style’
clickety clack old fashioned typewriter - for that failed
riter romanticism.
- Ten reams of A4 paper to waste
- Some pens
- A Dictionary
- A Thesaurus
- Stamped addressed envelopes
SOME
TESTAMENTS TO THE COURSE’S SUCCESS RATE…
"Now I’m a fully paid up failed riter, I’ve
learned to kiss the air around peoples’ faces upon meeting
them in public places whilst ‘doing lunch’."
"I learnt to talk loudly about my rubbish manuscript
and how to take myself around idiotic literary festivals."
"The course helped me become an alcoholic, my wife left
me, taking our kids, saying she was sick of my infantile dreams
of becoming a failed riter."
"I took the course and now I get rejection letters all
the time!"
MANY OTHERS HAVE FAILED IN THIS
WAY.
If they can’t do it. Why
can’t you? We are so confident that we can help you become
a failed riter that we give you a full refund guarantee if
your book is published.
Make failure your middle name!
Do it tomorrow! & Remember
our motto -
EVERYBODIES GOT A SHIT BOOK IN THEM!
FUNDING
AVAILABLE NOW
– The Failed Riters Bureau –
Feelwelcome House, London
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