Great white shark spotted off Britain’s south coast offered top cabinet position

The great white shark that has been spotted off Hayling Island near Portsmouth has been offered a senior position in Theresa May’s cabinet.

“This is just the kind of shot in the arm May’s troubled government needs,” said one Downing Street insider, who described the new appointment as “the perfect fit”.

“The great white shares many traits with cabinet members – such as cold dead eyes, detecting the scent of blood from up to three miles away, and hanging around whale carcasses for mating purposes.”

It’s thought the shark will advise the Prime Minister on a range of topics – from getting the best deal for Britain in Brexit negotiations to telling nurses why they haven’t had a pay rise in years.

“It’s a win-win situation,” said the Downing Street source.

“Even if the shark doesn’t work out on the cabinet, we can still feed it Boris Johnson.”