People are sharing the “dentist knows you haven’t flossed” of other professions and they’re pretty interesting

“What’s the, “the dentist knows you haven’t flossed” of other professions?” asks 1jojo9 over on Reddit.

And here’s 22 of the very best answers:

1

X-ray tech. Not supposed to eat anything 4 hours prior to exam. Stomach’s FULL of what I can only imagine is a full grown cow’s worth of burgers. “I didn’t eat anything all day.”

You know how x-ray works, right?
–AColovianFurHelm

2

EMS call for unresponsive patient. Walk in, patient is blue in the face, taking about four breaths a minute.

Me (to bystander): What did he take?

Bystander: I think maybe he took an extra Xanax?

Me: Wrong. How bout heroin?

Bystander: Oh yeah. Whole bunch of heroin.

I don’t know why it’s always Xanax.
–bears_and_beets

3

HVAC guy knows you don’t change your filter every month. Or every two months. Or even three. Chances are good you’re still using the same filter we put in when we installed the damn furnace
–PrettySureIParty

4

Physiotherapists totally know you didn’t do the exercises they told you to do between consultations.

I pulled something in my lower back last year doing deadlifts and went to see one to get fixed up. She recommended I stop all the lifts that hit that general area, and gave me a simple 20-30 minute exercise routine to help with recovery.

Needless to say I didn’t do either of those things, cuz fuck me I’m dumb. When I went back the second time she asked if I had done those things, and when I delivered what I felt was an Oscar worthy “yeah!” she just sighed.
–marcuschookt

5

Pet store guy here. You can tell me you do regular water changes, filter changes, and gravel cleaning on your aquarium, but the test kit doesn’t lie to me. No replacement fish for you… your aquarium has more nitrates in it than a cheap hot dog.
–Defenestrationism

6

This might be hard to relate to depending on your interaction with chimney sweepers.

Now bear with me, ill try and do this with the correct terms and words, not an english chimney sweeper.

But the most fun and futile thing for a customer s when I ask them “so there is more tar than there is soot, have you been burning anything tou should’nt?”
Note: there are all sorts of plastic containers and other assorted NON-fireplace materials ready to be burned.

The answer you get is usually something like “No, we just use the dry enough wood and we usually close the air intake so it doesnt burn too quickly”

So now we have a recipe for doing everything wrong while using your fireplace. I try to explain the dangers of having a fire inside the chimney (tar has good energy value).
Most times you just get ignored and told they know what they are doing. In this particular case the house sadly burned down and the owner tried to make a case against me.

TL:dr The chimney sweeper will know if you are using your fireplace correctly. And try and listen to advice or your house might burn down.

Source: been a sweeper for almost 10 years.
–zoidblergh

7

I’m a body piercer. If you come in with an infected piercing, and say you never touch it but then proceed to touch it while telling me that, I know that you touch it…
–Only_a_Savage

8

Another IT guy here. Rice inside your machine when you swear blind it hasn’t been liquid damaged…
–smashtheplant

9

Lawyer, when your client starts lying to you. Yes I’ve heard it all. Yes you have client legal privilege. Yes you’ll make it worse if you lie and I don’t know the full story. How am I meant to give you legal advice when you’ve told me half the story. It’s like going to the doctor for back pain and saying you have a sore foot. The doctor can’t diagnose your problem and I sure as shit can’t solve your legal problem.

Edit: a lot of people asked about defending a client on murder trial who told you they did it and what you would do. First I’ve never been in that situation, but my understanding, in Australia, is that the lawyer would withdraw from proceedings and the defendant would get a new lawyer.

If you want to persist, you can’t flat up mislead the court and say your client didn’t do it, but if the prosecutions evidence is weak you can still argue specific points which may be enough to get a not guilty verdict. Walking a tight rope really.

–HamishHotFis7

10

Waxers who know you didn’t shower before coming to your appointment
–corradonat

11

When I ask how you’re taking your medicine and you say, ”Like it says on the bottle”, but your 1 month supply has lasted 56 days.
–thesumofalljohns

12

So many factories are plagued with “button fairies” and “handle pixies”

They come out at night and press buttons and adjust valves.

Then when the machine stops working I get called out and have to re-set everything. Nobody has touched the machine yet adjustments have clearly been made.

Some factories are infested but nobody seems to take the problem seriously.
–Ken-_-Adams

13

I know you are the reasons for the viruses on your computer. Your downloads folder is filled with malware installs, so don’t try to tell me you didn’t do it.
–jktmas

14

No you didn’t lose all your diazepam in a house fire again Mr Smith…
–LolaFrisbeePirate

15

The Auto mechanic knows you didn’t change your oil when you were supposed to!
–MickeyTM

16

The sysadmin can read the logs. The uptime on your machine is 221 days; you didn’t reboot it when we told you to do so.
–Bounty1Berry

17

garden centre employee knows when the plant died because you didn’t water it.
–vxmqc

18

Communication professor.

I watch/critique about 1200 speeches each academic year. When you have been in class all semester…on time and have mostly done all your stuff…but on speech day suddenly you have a major crisis and don’t show up. Yeah, I know you’re not ready for your speech.

Speech day is a day like none other. Grandmas get sick. All dogs have major bouts of rabies and have to go to the vet. Tires suddenly explode. Stomach flu for everyone!

It’s OK. I know you’re nervous. Just show up next week with your stuff together and we’ll get it done and get you through this course.

Hope your grandma/dog/tire is OK.
–ProfessorPulp

19

French teacher here. I know you used Google translate.
–awesomegingergirl

20

ER docs know how that thing got in your butt: you put it there.

That’s just fine, we don’t care. You can say you fell on it, or give an even less plausible account of the events that led to this; nobody is going to call you out, but we all know.
–Failsheep

21

Unrelated, but dentist trick: my dentist told me that it takes two weeks for gums to recover from bacteria build up. So if you spend the two weeks before your dental appointment flossing every day, they may not be able to tell you aren’t consistently flossing.
–Olreich

22

Security guard here.

“No, the other guard doesn’t let you….oh? He does? Well then he’s back on duty in two days, so you can wait for him.”
–Tdot_Grond

If you’ve got any “we know you’re fibbing” of your trade then please share them in the comments on Facebook or Twitter.

Source: Reddit