McDonald’s unveil new ‘McSlurry’ service to pipe hot liquidised burgers directly into your lap

“At McDonald’s our number one priority is the customer’s convenience,” said a spokesman for the fast food giant.

“The McSlurry is the perfect choice for those who simply don’t have time to pop into one of our restaurants or chew food.”

“Customers have a wealth of choices when the pipe is installed – they can eat their order from their lap, off the floor – or those who don’t like doing the washing up can suckle directly from the pipe.”

“Middle class customers might want to use a bowl, and pretend they made it themselves.”

The pipe will be installed in a limited number of trial homes, and if it proves successful will be rolled out nationwide. London customers are also expected to have wider menu choices, including liquidised pulled pork and spiralised vegetables for those counting calories.