UKIP leader Paul Nuttall has launched a passionate and “deeply personal” campaign to try and return white dogshit to the pavements of the UK.
In a powerful scene reminiscent of the 2014 Conservative party conference when Boris Johnson talked to a brick during his speech, Nuttall proudly brandished a large white dog-egg and exclaimed to it: “I will not turn my back on you. You are a vital part of my Britain”.
“It’s about a return to the great traditions that Britain once had before the EU came along and over regulated the bowel movements of British dogs,” explained Nuttall.
“Now that we have voted to leave, I demand British dogs can once again eat the levels of bone meal they used to enjoy before we joined the EU – to get them proudly laying some canine cable all over British pavements once again.”