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Top 15 Funniest Jokes from the Fringe Festival 2016

Normal Bates. Updated August 23rd, 2016

Every year Dave publishes the funniest jokes from the Fringe Festival 2016

Let’s not mess about, here they are:


  • “My dad has suggested that I register for a donor card. He’s a man after my own heart.” – Masai Graham
  • “Why is it old people say ‘there’s no place like home’, yet when you put them in one…” – Stuart Mitchell
  • “I’ve been happily married for four years – out of a total of 10.” – Mark Watson
  • “Apparently 1 in 3 Britons are conceived in an IKEA bed which is mad because those places are really well lit.” – Mark Smith


  • “Why is Henry’s wife covered in tooth marks? Because he’s Tudor.” – Adele Cliff
  • “I went to a pub quiz in Liverpool, had a few drinks so wasn’t much use. Just for a laugh I wrote The Beatles or Steven Gerrard for every answer… came second.” – Will Duggan
  • “Brexit is a terrible name, sounds like cereal you eat when you are constipated.” – Tiff Stevenson
  • “I often confuse Americans and Canadians. By using long words.” – Gary Delaney


  • “Back in the day, Instagram just meant a really efficient drug dealer.” – Arthur Smith
  • “Don’t you hate it when people assume you’re rich because you sound posh and went to private school and have loads of money?” – Annie McGrath
  • “Is it possible to mistake schizophrenia for telepathy, I hear you ask.” – Jordan Brookes
  • “Hilary Clinton has shown that any woman can be President, as long as your husband did it first.” – Michelle Wolf
  • “I spotted a marmite van on the motorway. It was heading yeastbound.” – Roger Swift
  • “Elton John hates ordering Chinese food. Soya seems to be the hardest word.” – Phil Nicol


  • “I’ll tell you what’s unnatural in the eyes of God. Contact lenses.” – Zoe Lyons

    On being awarded the top spot, Masai Graham, self-proclaimed “General Punochet”, said “I’m proud and honoured to win Joke of the Fringe. The funny thing is that it was Dave’s Joke of The Fringe that inspired me to become a comic. I remember picking up the paper years ago, reading the top 10 gags and wondering if I could write a decent one myself, so it feels fantastic to have actually won!”

    And some of the jokes voted most groan-worthy:

    “In France J-Lo is called ‘I have water’” – Adam Hess
    “What do you call three members of ABBA in a French slaughterhouse? ABBA trois” – Darren Walsh

    In order to compile the shortlist, each of the judges sat through an average of 60 different comedy performances and sifted through more than 3,600 minutes of material. This meant they each had a potential pool of around 7,200 different jokes to choose from.