Prosecco shortage forcing desperate middle class users to drink ‘black market cava’

“Prosecco” – the street name for the white wine – has been in short supply recently due to increased demand and restricted supply.

“Middle class people are getting desperate for their fizzy wine hit,” said one expert who warns that the UK is on the verge of a full blown prosecco epidemic.

“Just last week I met a sad, tragic couple from Berkshire who have starting taking cava. It’s not even the stuff produced in Catalonia – their lives are at such a low point they don’t even care about the Denominación de Origen any more.”

“The dealers are just raking it in now, knowing that these desperate middle class people will drink almost anything cold and fizzy as an apéritif.”

“I heard about one Waitrose in Sussex that was selling shandy inside used prosecco bottles – it’s only a matter of time before some strung-out user gets mild heartburn.”